March 31, 2004

Gives Me an Idea

Look, I admit it: That whole "Bush Lied, People Died!" thing is kinda catchy in its way. Why can't we get something going on like that? What, you mean there isn't a single Republican who went into marketing out there? Not one? I don't buy that. Especially not if the marketing guys I've known are anything to go by.

Maybe we don't need a marketing guy, in fact. I never saw that they did much other than pester the secretaries (who I understand prefer to be referred to as--oh, you know, to hell with it. You're secretaries, okay? S-e-c-r-e-t-a-r-i-e-s. Not "executive assistants.") . . . anyway, I think we can bypass the marketing people on this one. I'll start:

Bush Peed, Iraqis Freed

No, that's terrible. Scratch that.

Bush Called, Saddam Falled

And that's just plain ungrammatical, is what that is. This is harder than it looks.

Bush Won, Qusay's Done

Okay, that might be the first one that doesn't flat out suck, but surely we can do better.

Bush Spoke, France is Broke

Hmm . . . alas, not yet.

Did I mention that this is harder than it looks?

Bush Works, You're Jerks

That isn't helping the spirit of debate at all, that one.

Bush Led, Osama Fled

Oh, like you've heard from him lately.

Anyway. Top 'em in the comments if you get inspired. Me, I think I just learned why I never majored in marketing.

UPDATE 03/31/2004: How come all I'm getting is Kerry-bashing? Er, not that there's anything wrong with that . . . but I wanted something to address the war from a perspective 180 degrees from "Bush Lied, People Died." Focus, people! Focus!

Posted by Ilyka at March 31, 2004 04:28 PM in i don't know you tell me

Bush rules, Kerry drools!

(Yes, yes, I know. I fully admit that I am stuck in junior high school.)

Posted by: Jim at March 31, 2004 04:37 PM

I'd completely forgotten about that expression. I did not need these eighth-grade flashbacks, I tell you.

Posted by: ilyka at March 31, 2004 04:41 PM

Bush won. Gore's done.

Bush inspired. Kerry's just tired.

Posted by: Venomous Kate at March 31, 2004 07:59 PM

"Bush is Tops! Kerry Flops!"
(minor variation: Bush is Tip-Top! Kerry Flip-Flops!)

"When Kerry schmoozes, America Loses!"

"If Kerry Leads, America Bleeds."

"Bush is Cool, Kerry is a fool"

"Appeasement = Bereavement"

"A Kerry Win makes Terrorist grin" what's so hard about this?

Posted by: nathan at March 31, 2004 10:28 PM

First I work in marketing (on the creative side) so I hope that doesn't invalidate my submission!!!

Bush fought, Uday rots.

Bush tried, Al Quada died.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at April 1, 2004 12:21 AM

Now we're cooking. I like that first one a whole hell of a lot.

Posted by: ilyka at April 1, 2004 02:02 AM

OK, I'm late, but how's this:

Bush Lied. No he didn't.

What it lacks in rhyme it makes up for in honesty.

Posted by: Simon at April 5, 2004 02:57 AM