And go hurl.
Why do I do it? I know Wonkette is the Carrot Top of the blogosphere. I know this. And yet I go, and I read a line like this:
Heard on the Hill: Slogan of new Bush-friendly ketchup: "Making Sure Kerry Doesn’t Ketchup to Dubya!"Because . . . why? Because it's quicker and cleaner than sticking my finger down my throat? Because nothing else really gives me that "please carve out my eyeballs with a melon-baller now" feeling Wonkette delivers? Is there some void in my existence that demands I fill it with irritating shallow crap? Would that void be better filled by subscribing to US Weekly?
You know, I think it would. At least US has the fashion police.
Did she actually come up with that line, or just borrow it from Roll Call?--Who bloody cares? It's like finding a corner of the World Wide Web smeared with feces: At the moment of discovery, is your primary concern finding out whose shit it is? Or are you more concerned with finding out who smeared it all over the walls?
UPDATE 05/04/2004: For all you fine people who want to play jokes on the Instantman with a Wonkette parody--too late. Wonkette is officially "so five minutes ago." You see, papa's got a brand new bag!
Posted by Ilyka at May 3, 2004 04:35 PM in hell is other peopleDude. You are so not seeing this.
Change that hammer and flag to a pict of a chickie with big woo-woos. Then get mad at either Kerry or Bush, and invent a phrase for him. Like, Kerry wants to be like Clinton, so you could just say, "Kerry wants blow jobs too!" Then every time Kerry comes up you can shriek, "Blow jobs! Blow jobs! Blow jobs!"
Do that about 10 times a day. Never post anything longer than five or six sentences. Wink purty at Instapundit.
Like, you'll be a Large Mammal and have a full-time job within six months.
Hmm, I'm tempted to try it myself. Hmm, Deanna's World... sound attractive?
Posted by: Dean Esmay at May 3, 2004 05:11 PMJesus, you know, I was joking above but I suddenly wonder if this wouldn't be worth trying just to make a point....
What would we call our fake blogtrollop? Pundette perhaps? I'll bet three or four of us could get together and actually do this and wind up with a funnier and more entertaining site.
Christ. My brain should stop working like this but this actually seems like it would be fun.
Posted by: Dean Esmay at May 3, 2004 05:21 PMI'm sure Kevin could come up with some big woo woo pictures.
How would that work then? Would each contributor be a different "mood" of Pundette? That could be interesting...
Posted by: Jim at May 3, 2004 06:25 PMHave I mentioned that you guys are only about 500% more evil than I am?
Posted by: ilyka at May 3, 2004 09:54 PMY'all are twisted -- which is why I like you so much.
Posted by: Ith at May 4, 2004 01:23 AMi would be more concerned with getting out of the feces stained location. which, is why i don't go there.
Posted by: rammer at May 4, 2004 03:13 AMHmm. I notice, suddenly (and by complete coincidence) that instapundette.com is available.
Of course, there could be TWO Instapundettes on the site. One Democrat and one Republican. But both bisexual of course.....
What would we name them?
Posted by: Dean Esmay at May 4, 2004 05:17 AMIt could be like that old, failed TV show, Herman's Head!
Posted by: J. A. Eddy at May 4, 2004 05:20 AMHmmm, Delilah and Angela? we'd need a pair of women, one in white chiffon, the other is a black leather dominatrix get up
Gad, Dean. You pull something like that off, and, well, I'll adore you even more.
Nah. Not possible.
And, Ilyka? Again, you sum up my feelings in a far more concise and illustrative manner.
Feces flinger, indeed.
Mwheh.
Posted by: Emma at May 4, 2004 12:42 PMThey could have superheroine names, Dean. How about Leftigal and Rightywoman?
Nah, if we used "woman" in the name we'd lose all of the pederasts.
Posted by: Jim at May 4, 2004 04:33 PMOops! Dictionerror. That should be pedophile, not pederast. I've got MJ on the brain today.
Posted by: Jim at May 4, 2004 04:35 PMCookie and Leticia, or Bambi and Callista.
Posted by: Ith at May 4, 2004 05:33 PMI can't guarantee I'd be able to contribute to punking Instapundit like this, but you guys have to promise me that if any of you do it, you let me in on the joke.
Posted by: ilyka at May 4, 2004 06:02 PMStart the names with an L or D (liberal, left, Dem) and a C or R (conservative, right, republican).
Cookie and Letitia work.
Posted by: Jim at May 4, 2004 06:19 PMI knew I hadn't spelled that correctly :) But it just looked wrong no matter how I arranged the letters.
Posted by: Ith at May 4, 2004 06:50 PMOoh! How about Lilith and Ruth? Let's get biblical.
Posted by: Jim at May 4, 2004 07:04 PM"Ruth" makes me snicker -- my mum's name, and my middle name.
Posted by: Ith at May 4, 2004 07:17 PMI just thought of an excellent default comment. You know how Instapundit has "Indeed" and "Heh", one of these gals can have "Well, duh" and the other can have "Um, right".
Posted by: Jim at May 4, 2004 09:13 PMRe: the update
Heck, I could be a secret Central Coast gossip blogger. The things I could tell about Clint, Leon Panetta, Sammy, Doris, otters, kelp....
Posted by: Ith at May 4, 2004 09:38 PMAnd I'm in Atlanta, home of the woman beatin' celebrities (I'm James Brown, bitch!) and the last vestiges of Bennifer.
Posted by: Jim at May 5, 2004 12:21 AMOkay. Here's the deal.
If six people will tell me they'll contribute to this thing, and someone will pledge to help design it, I'll put up the scratch to make it happen.
Because this would be way too much fun.
Posted by: Dean Esmay at May 5, 2004 11:29 AMThe Queen already says she's in... hmm....
Posted by: Dean Esmay at May 5, 2004 11:29 AMCount me in. I'm sure we could get hosted here at Munuviana, then all you have to spend on is the domain name.
Posted by: Jim at May 5, 2004 01:51 PMOr would we want it hosted at Munu? That might make it too easy to pierce the illusion...
Posted by: Jim at May 5, 2004 02:30 PM