June 28, 2004


You know why Americans are so out of shape? Americans are so out of shape because just when they finally decide that's it, it's time to pursue fitness with all the enthusiasm previously directed in pursuit of potato skins, some other American updates his blog with a post that's all like, "Hey, check this out" and long story short this is why I'm sitting here with my cross-trainers on not exercising a damn thing.

By the way, I'm aware that this weblog has gone all diary on people and I'm equally aware some of you don't like that (although if you'd been paying attention you'd have noticed that it sort of leaned that way from the very beginning). Anyway, I'm not without sympathy for you complainer types, so here's $0.35. I recommend you call someone who cares collect (they care, right? So they should accept the charges) and insert the coinage elsewhere, if you take my meaning.

UPDATE: Okay, this guy is good:

I walk to the back and through the rear door, which opens into a small patio packed to standing room only. A hundred people are crammed like sardines into a forty foot square prison, smoking and drinking and trying like bastards to secure what limited elbow room their allotment will provide.

You have to laugh. You really do. The best laid plans of ecetera ecetera. Here's a completely empty bar, which the only hundred people in a position to use it aren't allowed, because of a hundred other people who would never step foot in this place because they're at home right now doing crunches, making to-do lists and filing next year's taxes. And here we are, all cramped into a little smoking death camp, in case one of them might walk through the door and want a non-threatening smoke-free environment to themselves. Look, non-smokers, I don't want you to get cancer anymore than you do. But, no, really? Go. Fuck. Yourselves. You couldn't have given us like 10% of the bars? You needed them all? Do you even drink, you pious shits?

This is why I am against socialism in all its forms, blah-de-de-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, I think by now we all know the script. And by the way, what he's describing is exactly what happened in Dallas a while back, which is why your girl drinks solely in Addison now.

UPDATE SQUARED, 06/29/2004: In reading the comments to the "Throwdown" post, I find I am not the only person to experience a strange . . . affection for? Bond with? Attachment to? . . . Groktor. Well, at least I'm not alone. There's something about the simple statement "Groktor Seeks Eights" that I just find endlessly hilarious, but then I've been known to get stuck on dumb little things like that.

Posted by Ilyka at June 28, 2004 02:31 PM in hell is other people

I'm supposed to be calling patients right now, but I'm not. I'm reading those cartoons and laughing like a hyena instead.

And it's all your fault.

Posted by: Dr. Alice at June 28, 2004 09:36 PM

Never apologize for content. The people who like blogs that deal with drunken movie reviews and stories of the horror of pooping at work will stick around. Oh, wait. That's my blog I'm describing.

Posted by: Jim at June 29, 2004 04:55 PM