July 26, 2004

Four Words

It is indicative of how my day went yesterday that at one point, while pulling out of the Kroger parking lot, my boyfriend halted the car, shook his index finger at me, and decreed, "There are four words you are not going to say anymore today: Taco. Bell. Rectal. Bleeding."

Ha, ha! Um. Guess you had to be there.

"Taco Bell" was verboten because we'd both just eaten at one. We'll know we have a government in this country that cares deeply about the health and welfare of each citizen when it offers grants to researchers willing to study what makes people, otherwise sane, healthy people, people who know better, decide that eating at Taco Bell is ever a good idea.

Not that it was exactly my fault, although I suppose I did start the conversation that led to our eventual distress:

"After we return the movies, why don't we stop for lunch somewhere?"

[Groan.] "Noooo . . . ."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I just want to get these errands over with."

"Look, it's Sunday. Day of rest. We'll still have plenty of time to get to the store afterwards. Why can't we stop and have a little lunch?"

"Because we're just going to wind up paying $10 each at some shitty restaurant that you picked."

"I pick shitty restaurants? Which ones? Which ones are shitty?"

"Okay, look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

And indeed he should not have. Don't think I didn't take advantage of his not banning the words "shitty restaurant" from my vocabulary later, after I had tried to compromise by letting him pick the restaurant and he had elected to make a run for the border.

[Insert standard "run for the bathroom" joke here.]

As for the rectal bleeding, that's not either of us suffering from it, praise the Lord. That would be my eldest and most beloved cat. Abscessed anal sac or colorectal cancer? Who knows? That will be what I spend this next week trying to find out.

Ah, veterinary bills. Blogging will be light.

UPDATE: Cat bottoms--catch the fever! Now there's a post that's both hilarious and, from my standpoint, freakishly coincidental. I'm telling you, cat bottoms are the new black. (Via Meryl Yourish, to whom I owe email. Ack.)

Posted by Ilyka at July 26, 2004 06:21 PM in navel gazing

In sympathy to your plight I promise to also refrain from saying "rectal bleeding" until such time as you are permitted to again utter those words.

Posted by: Jim at July 26, 2004 07:09 PM

*Helen pushes away her bowl of Cheerios, no longer hungry after discussions of feline rectal bleeding*

Posted by: Helen at July 27, 2004 09:15 AM