February 15, 2005

But It's Okay, 'Cause When She Poses for Nude Shots They Airbrush Right Over Those Ribs

In the interests of full disclosure let me admit right now that no matter what this woman did, no matter what she said, no matter how she looked, I wouldn't like her anyway:

Despite occasionally suffering from bouts of depression, I do not generally wish for disasters to strike the planet, and particularly not my own country . . . but you know what pictures like this make me wish for?

A nice famine.

Wouldn't a famine be great? For me, I mean. For Sheryl and Teri, maybe not so much. But for me? Storing fat is easier than breathing.

Of course, that would probably get me hunted as a food source, but I think I can fend off an 88-pound hunter.

Sheryl: Just let me carve a little off your triceps area. My God, do you even have triceps? That looks like . . . it looks so . . . so fat . . . so juicy . . . .

Me: Get stuffed. You're getting saliva all over my porch.

Sheryl: But I'm starrrrrrr-ving!

Me: You were starving before and you seemed all right with it. I mean, if it's working for you, you know, if that's kind of your look and all, well, I would hate to interfere with that.

Sheryl: I mean I'm reeeeeee-lee starving--hey! Is that a cat? Just let me have a bite of your cat. Oh wow, I haven't had cat in like weeks.

Me: Sheryl, Sheryl! Come now. What would PETA say?

Sheryl: Kidneys . . . failing . . . heart muscle . . . breaking down . . . .

Me: Fuck, don't die here. Don't be bringing down the neighborhood like that.

I figure that's about when I kick her down the stairs.

And let the cats out for a little snack.

(Via Go Fug Yourself.)

Posted by Ilyka at February 15, 2005 03:58 PM in trivia

Even if you were inclined to let her nibble, there's a pretty fair chance she would just toss it up later. And then what? I'm with you. Kick her down the stairs.

Posted by: Rob at February 15, 2005 09:34 PM

You know what I'm going to do? Despite my typical "instant gratification" tendencies and need for a "LOSE 10 POUNDS IN 10 MINUTES!" pill, my intellect tells me that it is not healthy and not realistic. So, I'm planning on slowly upping my activity levels (at this point, ANYTHING would be an improvement) and my goal is twenty pounds in six months, maybe a year.

In the meantime, I will continue to eat NORMAL foods (while attempting to cut out the not-so-good for you foods and upping the beter-for-you foods).

That's so much better on the body than scarfing and barfing, starving, or using diet pills that can screw around with my blood pressure.

Looking at that picture makes me say things like: "Have a sandwich for the love of GAWD!" This is sexy?

[I know this subject was covered in minute detail over at Michele's, but gah!]

Posted by: Margi at February 16, 2005 10:25 AM

So, I'm planning on slowly upping my activity levels (at this point, ANYTHING would be an improvement)

I hear you. It's too bad we aren't neighbors--we could kick each other off the computer and into a little cardio once in awhile. Wouldn't we have ourselves the time?

Posted by: ilyka at February 16, 2005 05:39 PM

I would love it. We would have a HELLA time. Talking and walking is very good for the heart. (Heh.)

Posted by: Margi at February 16, 2005 08:44 PM