February 16, 2005

I Got Your Extra-Strength Midol Right Here

At some point in Travels, Michael Crichton ponders--a little too wistfully, if you ask me, though I say that as someone who adores the man--whether maybe men have hormonal fluctuations similar to menstrual periods that science just hasn't discovered yet.

I swear I'm starting to wonder about that. First we have the Comic Book Guy incarnate and his superintelligent theories of why beautiful women have it so good in life; now, the Bionic Dick is throwing up all over Dizzy Girl.

Over what? Over a movie.

No, seriously; this, apparently, is what gave offense:

Want to know how good "The Notebook" is? It's the end of the movie and Jason just got up from the couch suddenly and practically ran into the bathroom crying his eyes out and sobbing. Holy...shit. My husband...the cop...the big strapping fella...the guy who NEVER cries...is in the bathroom at this very moment crying like a little girl. THAT'S how good this movie is.

. . .

Jason just walked into the living room telling me to never bring another movie like that into the house. He denies crying and has ordered me not to blog about it. Hehe. Too late. The world now knows that my hubby is a big ole softy!

You know, Robbie, if your masculinity's threatened by this post, maybe it's because you're not all that secure with it in the first place. You say you're a man? Then take it like a man, you shrimpy old buzzard. Real men don't trot out vile language and cruel insults over trivial posts like this--and no, I don't care WHAT your mama told you. Did it never cross your mind that maybe your mama tells you how wonderful your wrinkled cracker ass is because that's a mama's job?

I hope Dizzy Girl's "big strapping fella" whups your ass good. It's so overdue.

Oh, would that you jackasses would just retire to the couch with a heating pad, a box of chocolates, and the remote, like we do. For all we're supposedly such bitches 'round about that time, you'll notice we usually find better things to do with our time than bring the hate against strangers for no better reason than to see what will happen.

Well, here's what happened: You proved you're a pathetic asshole. That's what happened. Congratulations.

What's that little saying you're so fond of? "If it was easy, any asshole could do it?"

Yeah, that's the one.

Well, there ain't nothing easier than the cheap shot you take against a woman who did you no wrong.

Not too much lower than that, either.

UPDATE: Always read the whole thing, even if you're pretty certain you're going to be made sick by it. As Allah notes in the comments below, the "vile language and cruel insults" come from Acidman's commenters, not from the man himself. I stand corrected on that point, and I apologize for getting it wrong in the first place by jumping to conclusions.

I'd rein that kind of commentary in nonetheless if it happened here, just personally. But I guess if you want to run your site like a monkey cage, complete with shit flung all over the walls, that's your business.

Posted by Ilyka at February 16, 2005 04:45 AM in hell is other people

Real men don't trot out vile language and cruel insults over trivial posts like this--and no, I don't care WHAT your mama told you.

Rob didn't direct any profanity or insults at Dizzy. His commenters did. And I don't see how a guy who's written publicly about having a mechanical dick is all that insecure about his masculinity.

That said, though, it certainly is an asshole jamboree in the comments to that post thus far. Sheesh.

Posted by: Allah at February 16, 2005 05:18 AM

Ah shit, I skimmed. I thought the all the blockquoting in DG's post was from Acidman. Now I guess I gotta edit. THAT'S WHAT CITIZEN JOURNALISTS DO.

"Asshole jamboree," though . . . yeah, I'm stealing that one.

Posted by: ilyka at February 16, 2005 05:26 AM

I feel guilty now for having robbed a fellow blogger of some righteous indignation.

Perhaps I can atone. Have at it!

Posted by: Allah at February 16, 2005 06:09 AM

Manana, amigo. It's fine fodder for the outrage, I don't deny it, but I got cooking duty tonight and meatloaf calls.

Posted by: ilyka at February 16, 2005 07:24 AM

My guess is that he just needed to create some drama and more spinnage of the ol' site meter.

Hey, chicks ain't the only ones that can be Drama Queens.

In short, let's evaluate:

Rob - a hateful, misogynistic bitter old man who still hasn't figured out everything couldn't POSSIBLY be his ex-wife's fault.

Ginnie - a warm, caring, loving woman who may or may not be overweight and who obviously has a good enough relationship with HER spouse that he doesn't mind that she talks about him in a public forum. Oh yeah, and her blog HAS SKINS (The HORROR!).

Who's the better human being, here?

Posted by: Margi at February 16, 2005 10:12 AM

Isn't foot in mouth disease is a sign of male menopause?

Posted by: Jim at February 16, 2005 10:31 AM

and her blog HAS SKINS (The HORROR!)

But they make your testicles shrink, Margi. It's true! I read it on the internet!

Posted by: ilyka at February 16, 2005 05:37 PM

Coming over to your place is like hanging out at the local bar & grill. I find out all the gossip and news in the neighbourhood with a snap, crackle and pop. A fine service you provide! Now if there was only some tequila....

Posted by: Ith at February 16, 2005 09:18 PM