Ech. I'm just not feeling it on the latest Fiction Bitch piece. I think she gave the guy too much of a pass. I needed more ruthless whip-cracking on this one. Instead, the author gets all this out without a single markup:
The summer before I packed my life up into a few cardboard boxes and embarked on the four-year epic adventure to college, I got a job running a fireworks stand through a family friend. The hour-long drive to and from home across the murky Louisiana swamps every day didn't thrill me, but it was the best job offer I had at the time. My only other option was cleaning up the summertime-sizzling parking lot at the local Wal-Mart Supercenter for slave wages. But, as my eternally-wise father used to say, "Never let an opportunity to push grocery carts and pick up three day old, sun-scorched trash go by unexplored."Maybe I'm just cranky, but I'd have red-penned half of that. "Packed my life up into a few cardboard boxes and embarked on the four-year epic adventure to college"--I'm seeing six kinds of red off that clause alone. Just say "before I left for college," dude. First of all, you're ostensibly 17-18 when you leave for college; I don't expect your life to consume more than "a few cardboard boxes" by that point. It fails in any ironic sense, nor does it add to the setting. "The four-year epic adventure to college"--please. It's not nice to make readers barf, it really isn't. And if you meant it archly ("ho-ho! It's funny because college isn't really an epic adventure!"), why, that's even worse.
And she let "my eternally-wise father" (as opposed to "temporarily wise?") get by, and then let said father get by with the most cornpone yuk-yukker ever. Oh, this is just all so wrong.
But, you know, who can resist hearing one more time about the super-evil that is Wal-mart? So the story has that going for it: It definitely helps stave off the dearth of criticism about evil, wicked, soul-sucking, corporate-overlord-operated Wal-mart that's been so lacking lately. Best of all, it's written from the fresh-faced perspective of a smartass kid who's just not meant for such indignities as working for $5.25 an hour sans benefits. His destiny compels him ever onward and upward.
I seriously want to make him clean up a parking lot now.
I need something to get the taste out--oh, here. I've been meaning to link this for over a week. It's a bit about how the stock market punished Costco for treating its customers and its employees decently, instead of going all out to bring home the bacon for the shareholders:
If you are making 20 million a year as a CEO, the last thing you can personally want is to see companies that pay their workers well and the CEOs less beat you in the marketplace... because if for a moment America thought that recipe could succeed, it might change to it over night . . . .I don't know about overnight. The only thing I ever saw happen truly overnight in business was Fed-Ex. But I'm a cynic. Anyway, good, positive discussion on that one . . . probably because no one starts love-humping Costco and reaming Wal-mart in that rote, predictable fashion of which I am so fond.
(Incidentally, a big "eff you" to Hubris for not telling me had a whole 'nother blog. It's a group operation I guess; the post above is authored by "pyrrho." But could the man ever mention it or anything? Pimp it a little? Honestly.)
Posted by Ilyka at February 17, 2005 02:11 AM in hell is other peopleYeah, I'm a dick. I hardly ever mention it since the tone and content is so jarringly different from my main site. I created it to provide a forum where people I argued with at Spinsanity (on such esoteric topics as the meaning of "imminent threat," for twelve hours at a stretch) could create their own posts. I'm just the host, and post virtually nothing there myself. It virtually runs itself, which is kinda nice.
Now, what is this "Wal-mart" of which you speak? And it is evil, you say? I hadn't heard about that.
Posted by: Hubris at February 17, 2005 05:43 AMWal-mart is one of those phenomenons that makes me wish I'd been an econ major. Because they have this between a rock and a hard place thing down.
On the one hand?--I couldn't afford most of my groceries if it weren't for the sweet, sweet deals they give.
On the other hand?--I could use a second job, but I'd go reapply (OH YES, I worked THERE) to McDonald's before I'd hit up the Wal-mart.
If nothing else?--Everything Wal-mart's doing to its employees now, McDonald's did back in my day. Only, no one cared back then. They just sneered and made jokes like, "Do you want fries like that?" And then that classic: "That's what they get for not goin' to college."
Man, don't unleash my closet liberal. You have no idea.
Oh, and on this:
I created it to provide a forum where people I argued with at Spinsanity (on such esoteric topics as the meaning of "imminent threat," for twelve hours at a stretch) could create their own posts
I like argumentative minus crazy; I like debate minus hatred; I like dissent minus Godwin's Law. I like the back and forth. That's what I think blogs are inadvertently killing. Y'all seem to have something civil going on there, and that's what I've missed.
Posted by: ilyka at February 17, 2005 08:45 AMI'd agree that Wal-Mart once had that rock and hard place thing down. Not so much any more. The local Super Wal-Mart has its share of disgruntleds. When it first opened, the place was all smiles and can-I-help-yous. I try to stay out of there but grocery shopping for a non-wealthy person is just too expensive to do entirely without them.
Posted by: Rob at February 17, 2005 11:47 AMThey just sneered and made jokes like, "Do you want fries like that?"
It strikes me as strange that Democrats criticizing the current state of the economy feel free to jocularly use the phrase "burger-flippin'" when talking about job creation. I always picture some poor viewer watching CNN at home after finishing a particularly tough and greasy shift, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
P.S. I generated an invitation for you to become a Cabal author (it'll probably show up as an e-mail from Typepad) in case you ever want to post anything there.
Oh great; I type the wrong word entirely and that's the line someone has to QUOTE.
Hubris, that offer is incredibly flattering, but as almost anyone here could tell you, I really suck just at keeping up this blog.
Rob:
When it first opened, the place was all smiles and can-I-help-yous
It definitely made a difference when Sam Walton died, I think. Seems like he made sure the employees were treated halfway decent and now, not so much.
Posted by: ilyka at February 17, 2005 07:52 PMAbout FEDEX: I remember my grandfather asking, "Who's going to pay $9 to send a letter overnight?".
Posted by: Rob at February 17, 2005 09:29 PM