March 07, 2006

What You Should Do If Asked to Feed the Hungry

Make fun of the solicitation that came in the mail about it, of course. Because you're very hip, see, and ain't no cow so sacred that it can't be sacrified on the altar of Your Scathing Wit. It's so funny when old people hold up photos of themselves in younger days because really, who do they think they're kidding with that? We know they're elderly Jews first and human beings second, if at all.

Besides, if they were really hungry they'd write the damn letter themselves instead of letting it be all mass-produced and fakey because, eww, that's so soulless and corporate, and like PETA, they totally never do that, nor does Greenpeace, nor the Sierra Club, nor John Kerry, nor . . . .

Via a blog that's going right off the roll, this minute, because I am heartily sick of reading about its author's world tour to this place, that place, and the other, and how thrilled its author would be to meet a few of her readers there, provided they'll be in the swell location to which she is traveling, and also, it would be great if maybe that location's travel board paid all the expenses for her to get there? Because she's a working mom.

Whatever. I do generally try to avoid generation-bashing, but I have to hand it to the people who came of age in the 90s: It took them to make the people who came of age in the 70s look wise and benevolent by comparison.

Posted by Ilyka at March 7, 2006 02:30 PM in i don't know you tell me

Well honestly. How dare an organization send this jewel of the universe a letter full of bummer stuff about starving old Jewish people? They should just crawl off into a corner and die quietly and not disturb the cool people!

Here's a nice Yiddish curse for Miss World Traveler: "As many years as she’s walked on her feet, let her walk on her hands, and for the rest of the time she should crawl along on her ass." (Authentic Yiddish male version here.)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at March 7, 2006 04:22 PM

You find the oddest blog things. That's why I come here, you know. (no, not really)

As for the traveling thing... where does one sign up to have their travel paid for by others? I'm all over it. And lucky you, you're first on my list!

Posted by: Ith at March 7, 2006 04:29 PM

Ith, re: traveling, and getting someone else to pay for it, I'm referring to this dealio.

I personally don't have a problem with paid trips for anybody, least of all bloggers; it's more that I have a problem with bloggers who think it's really fascinating to talk about all the kewl people they met and how it was SO AMAZING and blah, blah, because I just don't find that interesting to read about, because (1) I don't know these people and (2) I need more reason than "they read my blog and they dig me" to CARE about them.

It would be like reading a book by a rock band in which they talk at length about HOW AMAZING all their groupies and fans were--except of course vastly less cool than even that.

Posted by: ilyka at March 7, 2006 05:22 PM

Oh, and Andrea, I'm committing that curse to memory. It's beautiful.

Posted by: ilyka at March 7, 2006 05:23 PM

To continue the Yiddish theme, the only thing I can say about that person is: What a pashkudenyak!

Posted by: Susan B. at March 7, 2006 06:17 PM

Ilyka, you are the first weblog ever to bash me (that I know of). Susan B. is not wrong: I can be a pashkudenyak at times. The references to PETA and Kerry confuse me a bit... am I somehow ideologically connected to them in your sketching of the cosmos?

I can see that the point of the post is not to praise me. However, the curse that Andrea submitted really is great. How can I be upset when the curses are so fantastic?

Posted by: palinode at March 7, 2006 08:11 PM

I was only kidding! Honest! Sometimes my feeble attempts at humour always come off worse in blog comments :)

Posted by: Ith at March 8, 2006 05:33 PM

Palinode really knows how to kill 'em with kindness because, seriously, what can I say to that? Without looking like a belligerent imbecile? That's right: NOTHING.

Oh, but the charity references--just grabbing some organizations off the top of my head, and in fact I should have added the Physicians Committte for Responsible Medicine or whoever because THOSE guys, those guys have followed me through three changes of address and it's been at least 15 years since I gave them one thin dime, if in fact I ever did give them anything; I'm not sure that I did. I can't remember whether they're related to PETA in some way but I think maybe they are, and donating to PETA, in my experience, is just begging for every animal rights organization to bomb your mailbox with solicitations.

Posted by: ilyka at March 8, 2006 06:07 PM