April 13, 2006

Remedial Anatomy

I have been enjoying Persephone's Box today. But about this, I just . . . I mean, I tried to think what . . . it's like . . . look, I have no idea what to say about this:

When my oldest daughter was a baby, her dad and I were discussing what to call her genitalia as she's getting changed and as she begins to label her own body parts. I said "vulva" of course, because that's what the whole exterior section is called. He argued "vagina" because that's where she pees from.

Wait, wait! That'd be one thing in and of itself, but then, I kid you not, the dude tries an appeal to authority:

Ahh, what? He was vehement in his insistence that all women urinate out of their vaginas. "I've known more women than you have, so I should know." It didn't matter to him that I've been living in a woman's body for my entire life. I eventually brought him a medical textbook to teach him how it all works.

Sage? You are a much nicer person than I am. Because I would be telling everybody. It would not just be my best party story, oh, no; and of course it goes without saying that I would blog about it. Oh, of course.

But I would go beyond that. I would literally be telling this to every person I met:

Waiter: So that's one Mesilla combination plate, red, no beans, and one Alamogordo burrito plate, green, with shredded beef?

Boyfriend: Yes. Oh, and could we get--

Me [to waiter]: Hey, did I tell you? He thinks women pee out their vaginas.

Waiter: Er--is that so?

Me: I'm not kidding! I had to buy him an anatomy textbook!

Boyfriend [through clenched teeth]: Thanks for dinner, because YOU'RE BUYING THIS ONE.

I would spread that story far and wide. It would eventually wind up on Snopes.com. Marked "Status: True."

Yes. She's definitely a nicer person than I am.

Posted by Ilyka at April 13, 2006 12:48 AM in hell is other people

Well, I *do* spread that story around, but it's tricky because he's my kids' father and all. I don't want them to overhear me tell stories of his idiocy; I want them to discover it for themselves.

Posted by: Sage at April 13, 2006 06:38 AM

You know, I was with a guy once who was CONVINCED that women had four holes. One for the poo, one for wee, one for sex and one for menstruation. He was certain of it, even after I showed him a Grey's Anatomy textbook.

He was a real winner, that one.

Maybe explains why he wouldn't snack at the snack bar.

(Have just managed to get back online and catching up with you. Hi!)

Posted by: Helen at April 13, 2006 09:01 AM

In fairness, guys never got a good education on women's anatomy (at least I didn't, growing up in the Eighties.) In fifth grade the girls all had a special day, and the boys sniggered and thought they knew what it meant, as the girls were taken away to vagina class for a day.

And in extra-fairness to the liberal agenda: The difference here (urethra, vagina, etc.) is not something that's going to be taught in homes. If boys don't need to know, fine, don't put it on the sex-ed curriculum -- but don't laugh at them later when they're adults and still don't know.

('Course, I was one of those pansy boys who grew up on Judy Blume books, and read "The New Our Bodies, Ourselves" for himself, so I knew. Anyway.)

Posted by: JD at April 13, 2006 10:56 AM

I have textbook-taught accurate knowledge of anatomy but zero confidence in it. My natural timidity and self-preservation instincts have always served me well in this area. I either keep my mouth shut or I say, "Yes, dear".

Posted by: Rob at April 13, 2006 11:23 AM

Yeah, but JD-do you think they taught us about penises? Oh sure. We could point out the vas deferns on a quiz but we had no idea that those things grew with interest, those things came in a variety of shapes and sizes, some with helmets some without, and many more issues that accompany the friendly penis. We were all pretty clueless about the whole thing (and to tell you the truth, we have little recollection about our "special days" either, because the whole premise of those days was (at least in mine) was "boys are not to go in HERE! Got it? Not until there's a ring on your finger, m'kay?" It was hard to see past the ring bit.)

Posted by: Helen at April 13, 2006 11:02 PM