I had two messages from recruiters this week. Two. No, it's not a big number, but let's put it another way: That's two more recruiters than have called me in the preceding (counting on fingers) . . . two years.
When recruiters are calling me, things just can't be that bad. I'm sorry if that doesn't fit someone's world view that Bush deliberately sent the economy into a tailspin in order for Halliburton to reap billions and billions in profits, but trust me on this one.
The one of 'em was looking for a Mac developer, which I'm not and never was. No need to call him back. Can't these guys read? Oh, wait: Head hunter. Right.
The other one was looking for a contract position. I've always been too chicken to go the contract route, but that doesn't matter. What matters is how the interview would go:
Recruiter: So I see your last position was at Company McScrewed!
Me: Yeah.
Recruiter: And you left there in, let's see . . . early 2002?
Me: That's right.
Well . . . so! Tell me about what projects you've been working on in the interim?
I build a lot of Sim houses.
[pause]
And I got a blog.
Oh . . . ha ha! No, but your development projects. What software have you been working on lately?
Nothing.
Well, you know, it doesn't have to have been paid work. Any spare time projects you've been working on? Anything you've written as a hobby?
No.
Anything, ah, for school, maybe?
Quit going.
Oh. Ah . . . is there any particular reason, you know, that you haven't been programming? Any . . . extenuating circumstances?
Well, frankly, I used to blame it on burnout.
Oh! Yes, burnout! Ha! Ha! You know, I hear that one quite oft--
--but lately, I dunno, lately I'm more inclined to blame the freebasing.
The--I'm sorry? Did you say--
You know, if there's one thing I've learned in this life, it's that I should have listened to Richard Pryor.
I--uh, can you hold a minute? I--I have another call.
Hey, wait! I did write one program, come to think of it. Just a little doohickey I did up in VB. I know VB is for losers, but I was in a hurry to get to my dealer's, you know? Anyway, it calculates the probability that I'll set myself on fire while hitting the pipe. And so far, it's been dead on every time.
Hello?
Posted by Ilyka at April 9, 2004 06:31 AM in navel gazingBwhahahaha!
Seriously, though. . .we need to trade Sim Real Estate.
Posted by: Emma at April 9, 2004 07:25 AMBad Ilyka! No biscuit!
Posted by: Pixy Misa at April 9, 2004 08:17 AMPero me gusta los biscuitos!
Posted by: ilyka at April 9, 2004 08:35 AM"I build a lot of Sim houses"...
I'm still wetting myself with laughter about that one.
Well done.
Posted by: Helen at April 9, 2004 08:56 AMI can't even describe all of the humorous complexity in that last paragraph (okay, technically second to last) but damn is it funny. If Frank was this funny he wouldn't have Simon attacking him right now.
Posted by: Jim at April 9, 2004 03:59 PMGah, I used the wrong form of "gustar" up there [slaps self on forehead].
Emma, maybe we could do like a Sunday Simday thing. Post a house for download for readers to mock relentlessly--I mean, enjoy.
Posted by: ilyka at April 9, 2004 06:35 PM