April 20, 2004

Songs That Hurt

I shouldn't read threads like this. Like it's not enough that I date a guy whose brain is leased out to the jukebox from hell?

I'll be mentally bopping along to something good, and that's about when he'll bust out with a verse or two from "I Go to Extremes."

Or "We Built This City."

Or "Everybody Have Fun Tonight."

Or--you know something, I'm not giving him any more ideas. His supply of bad songs is inexhaustible, but I don't see why I should go reminding him of ones he hasn't tormented me with in awhile.

The one I had to get serious with him about--I mean the one that had me four inches from his face screaming "this isn't funny anymore, you asshole!"--wasn't even a proper song. It was the theme to the show Family Ties:

And there ain't no nothin'
We can't love each other through
Find me the man or woman who wrote those lyrics so I can beat that individual. Ain't. No. Nothin'. Look, I have enough trouble forgiving the double preposition in "Live and Let Die." I only manage it because it's a good song. But the theme to Family Ties is a very, very bad song, and so to its creators I say, don't go wreaking triple negatives on my eardrums like that unless you want me to hurt you.

Note to all those who nominated Alanis Morissette's "Ironic:" Remind me to tell you about the time one of my former employers hired a Chinese-American programmer who liked to code while listening to music, but (a) would not wear headphones and (b) only had four MP3 and (c) would pick one of the four each day and play it on loop for, you know, the full fucking eight hours of the day and finally (d) was placed in the only office with any room in it, namely, mine.

Luckily for me, he sucked as a developer and was fired soon . . . but not nearly soon enough.

We don't mention that song, okay? Ever.

Posted by Ilyka at April 20, 2004 04:03 PM in hell is other people

The only thing I really can't stand about Ironic is that none of the stuff she mentions in it is an example of irony. I guess that itself would be ironic though...spooky, maybe she's fooled me for this entire time...

Posted by: Jim at April 20, 2004 04:40 PM


What about Ambient Irony?

Now isn't THAT ironic ;)

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at April 21, 2004 01:01 AM

Yeah, Jim. I have begun to wonder that, myself.

I guess "Isn't it a fucking awful coincidence" didn't have the right meter.


Posted by: Emma at April 21, 2004 02:55 AM

Ah, Alanis... How can I tie the Canadian Skank in with my Seventies theme? Oh yeah -- wasn't she born then? 'Nuff said.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 21, 2004 03:22 AM

The Family Ties theme may suck ass, but I will always feel a surge of joy when I remember the theme to "One Day At A Time." It just ends so goddam nicely, with in-the-round repetition, and sweet background voices going, "LAAA, Da-da daaa!"

Posted by: Ben Culture at April 22, 2004 08:10 PM