April 23, 2004

I'll See Your Dead Girl and Raise You One Kitten

Oh--oh--real cute, Jim. Jim wants to tell you all a pretty story in return for your donating to the Spirit of America Iraqi Television Request via the Volleyball Competition. I mean the Vinegary Constitution. No, I mean--look, never mind.

A story? A STORY? We're auctioning stories now?

Look, this is how it is: I think you should donate to help Iraqis get their news from their own countrymen, rather than solely through Arab satellite networks. I've already written about why I think this is important.

And I think only a total dork would choose to give generously through this Victimy Correlation outfit, particularly when it would be so much more rewarding to give generously through the Almighty, Hell-Raisin', Rollin'-Over-Punks-Like-a-Redneck-Trucker* LIBERTY ALLIANCE, the only party that is on the record as being 100% pro-kitten.

Could you really live with yourself if you said "no" to the kittens?

I don't think you could. I know my readers better than that. You are men and women of conscience, valor, generosity, and no-holds-barred kitten appreciation. And that is why you want to click here and scroll down and hit that donation button.

A story. Honestly. Don't you want more? Don't you deserve more? I think you do. And I think you deserve to CHOOSE how you wish to be rewarded.

So here's the deal: You go right over here and donate $5.00 (or more) to Spirit of America, and you let me know about it by e-mailing your donation receipt to ilyka[insert at-symbol here]ilyka.mu.nu, and you take your pick of the following:

1. A poem about the subject of your choice;

2. A 10-question interview (subject: you!), to be posted on this site once complete; or

3. A completely confidential 10-card Tarot reading.

$5.00-you-call-its. Look, if I could send bottles of booze or elegant desserts to you through the internet instead, I would, but I've got to deal in virtual goods here. So those are the virtual goods.

Now damnit, show me the money, or I drop the f-bomb some more. No, not that f-bomb; this one.

*with apologies to LL Cool J

Posted by Ilyka at April 23, 2004 07:34 PM in chariblogging

Kittens grow up to be cats. Cats are a real pain to deal with from down here.

Posted by: Mr Mouse at April 23, 2004 11:18 PM

Highly fucking helpful comment there, Mr. Mouse. Thanks a million bajillion.

Posted by: ilyka at April 24, 2004 12:06 AM

I've got a story for you. There once was a gal from Texas who joined the loser team in a blogosphere fundraising competition and never got to give away a $5 prize 'cause that team never got any contributions 'cause everybody was donating through the kickass winner team.

The End

Posted by: Jim at April 24, 2004 12:15 AM

Dirty pool!

Which I guess is better than a Dirty Hernandez. Not being a chick I can't say for sure...

Posted by: Jim at April 24, 2004 02:00 AM

Is there something we need to put in the subject line so you will know that we are sending a confirmation receipt for donating?

Will there be a response back that you received the email? and just wait for what we chose whether it be a tarot reading or poem?

Posted by: Rhye at April 29, 2004 10:43 PM