"Fistula." So I guess it wasn't actually rectal bleeding after all; more like "dime-sized mystery aperture on backside" bleeding. I can't decide whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that the vet invited me to look for myself and that, to prove my strong-stomachedness, I did so; but I can tell you it's probably a good thing the f-word up there is also about to be banned from my vocabulary.

(What search term hits will I get from this one, I wonder?)

UPDATE: Look, I don't know why I feel compelled to tell you people about this, but I do and it's my blog so . . . not fistula after all. Abscessed anal gland. Antibiotics should fix. Also cat is diabetic. Also lump on throat is benign cyst and not, as I initially feared, malignancy.

I really have a nerve, because I once made vicious fun of a woman who was blogging about her cat's health problems, but then again I wouldn't turn into a total fucking bitch if someone registered IlykaDamenPop.com and harass men who are to funny what the germ theory of disease is to increased longevity, so there's that on my side.