November 17, 2004

Smooth Move

Now, see, basically, this is how it works around here: About once a month, I suffer through a week of insomnia. I'm too manic to sleep. I have to do something with my time, and there being little than can be done in the wee hours of the morning that won't result in angry neighbors pounding on my door, I usually end up writing dumb stuff here. Lots of it. Enormous rambling posts that usually hinge on piss-poor analogies and misuse of metaphors.

If you're thinking, "Once a month . . . hmm . . . what happens to women once a month?" then yes, Sherlock, you're right: I get insomnia the week before my period. A gold star for you, bright boy.

I'm bringing this all up because I also suffer from the compulsion to share WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION with you people. And also because I'm thinking you could all use a good tampon story? Come on, who doesn't love a good tampon story?

Ooh, no, wrong answer. The answer I was looking for there was yes, Ilyka, how did you know? We were just dying for a good tampon story!

Which you will find here. You will read it, and you will love it, and that is all.

Posted by Ilyka at November 17, 2004 09:14 PM in hell is other people

Hey, I have some good tampon stories!

Unfortunately, they're all the same one. (Men, you might want to stop reading now...)

You know, the one about the patient who comes in with this really weird discharge and when I start to examine them, yes siree, guess what's in there. Has been there for God knows how long.

Once the offending foreign body is removed, the trash has to be bagged up and taken out - FAST - or the room is unusable for the rest of the day.

Posted by: Dr Alice at November 17, 2004 09:36 PM

I never hear a story like that without being flabbergasted because, I mean, how can you "just forget?" How is that even possible? I forget a lot of things, I forget things constantly, but that?

And dear God, I do not even want to imagine the trash odor.

Posted by: ilyka at November 17, 2004 09:45 PM

Thank you, Dr. Alice, for the diet aid!

Everytime I think about having an extra cookie or something, I'm gonna drop on by and read this comment.


Posted by: Margi at November 18, 2004 02:10 AM

"Has been there for God knows how long."

Presumably longer than a 28-day cycle for a smell like that? So that another period would have come and gone and perhaps dual insertion happens?

Am I the only one whose vagina just slammed shut at the thought?

Posted by: Helen at November 18, 2004 09:03 AM