June 24, 2005

Coming in at #19 on the List of 'Ways You'd Prefer Not to Start Your Workday'

Pressing "play" on the footpedal, and hearing:

CHIEF COMPLAINT: Foreign body in rectum.

Somewhere up in the top 10, I imagine, is "being the person responsible for removing foreign body from rectum."

Oh, but I'm dying to tell you what the object is. We could play 20 questions from now 'til Armageddon, and you'd never guess it. Alas, I am not dying to lose my job and I'm afraid this object is sufficiently unusual that there's a real risk to patient confidentiality here.

I will say this: When confronted with a product label stating "WARNING: Contents under pressure," it simply does not occur to me to wonder, "Gee, would this fit inside my bottom? Let's find out."

This world and its people--I'll never understand it.

Posted by Ilyka at June 24, 2005 01:03 AM in in praise of idleness

This happened years ago, so I think it's safe to share this story.

As an intern, at morning report or similar, I was shown the X-ray of someone's abdomen. Chief complaint: abdominal pain. On the X-ray, we could see a string of "rounded opacities" marching up the colon.

The "rounded opacities" were Barbie doll heads.


Aren't you glad I shared that?

Posted by: Dr Alice at June 24, 2005 01:18 AM

Well shoot, why didn't he just say so?

"My stomach hurts. I blame Barbie. And Midge. And Skipper . . . ."

Posted by: ilyka at June 24, 2005 01:28 AM

Call me a prude if you like, but mine is permanently marked "EXIT ONLY!!!!!!!"

Posted by: Meryl Yourish at June 24, 2005 02:56 AM

permanently marked "EXIT ONLY!!!!!!!"

Likewise. I admit it, I'm completely grossed out by . . . er, yeah. Look, nothing belongs up there except that which is on its way out anyway. And even that shouldn't linger.

Posted by: ilyka at June 24, 2005 04:20 AM

When I worked in the health care industry, the doctors and nurses used to share stories about patients like this. My favorite was the one who put a light bulb up there. It took a team of folks trying to figure out how to remove it without breaking it and lacerating the poor idiot.

Posted by: sansioy at June 24, 2005 05:13 AM

Whoa, are you a medical transcriptionist? How do you get into that line of work?

Posted by: DG at June 24, 2005 04:21 PM

How do you get into that line of work?

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Posted by: ilyka at June 24, 2005 08:02 PM

No really, I'm interested. Please mail me, if you like, or please comment here.

Posted by: DG at June 24, 2005 10:14 PM

Well it'll be fun guessing just what sort of pressurized object was up the keester. A can of Redi-Whip comes to mind just because I could read that warning label clearly as I dining directly from the dispenser.

Posted by: OkieMinnie at June 25, 2005 03:42 AM

Ah geez... LOL

I can imagine...especially since I can toss out the "stupid criminal" tricks I run across in my job.

(clerk at DA office)


Posted by: Darleen at June 25, 2005 10:45 PM