December 28, 2005

Tech Jocks

I like geeks. I like coders. I like engineers. I like technical writers. I even like testers, and come on, nobody likes testers.

But I hate tech jocks.

Tech jocks aren't very bright. In days of yore they'd have been middle managers at Radio Shack. Or Sears. Or Braniff. Or Chrysler.

But then someone, somewhere, gave them idea to go into "the IT industry."

Now we all suffer. Sweet merciful heaven, how we suffer.

It is left as an exercise for the reader to guess some of the ways in which this page depresses me to the bone. Go on, guess. I would list them myself, but every time I look at the page title--not even the page itself, you understand; the page title, currently taunting me from another Firefox tab--I lose all will to live.

I'm going to try to go back to school this spring. I'll get a degree in CS, simply because that's what I'm closest to having a degree in.

But I don't think I'll ever work in software development again. Who would? Oh, right: Guys who believe that all you need to know is "time is money." Guys who write statements like "Energy and Attitude it [sic] the key to Success." And MEAN them.

You know what the problem is? Geeks can't beat anybody up. If they could, they'd have weeded these bozos out of "The .COM Market!!!!" twenty years ago, back when it might have done some good.

Now we all suffer.

(Sort-of-inside-joke note to Hubris: Did you notice he's even doing gun fingas? Except not in a cool way. Holy banality, please kill me this instant.)

Posted by Ilyka at December 28, 2005 03:58 AM in hell is other people

Gosh, that reminds me, I haven't checked out Jeff Jarvis' page in a while... No wonder I've been so calm and peaceful lately.

I saw the picture of that guy on that web page you linked and I wondered why he put up such a dorky photo. He's so pretty-fly-for-a-white-guy it's not even funny. He's like a techie equivalent of the Bear Guy. (Discovery Times has been showing commercials for this special about some guy that loves to wander among grizzly bears, give them cute names, and jump up and down in front of the camera shouting "Animals rule!" I was wondering if he was that guy who loved bears so much that he went up to one and the bear killed him, and if so, did they film that?)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 28, 2005 05:35 AM
I haven't checked out Jeff Jarvis' page in a while

Oh crapcakes . . . would you like to guess how I even FOUND this guy?

Yeah. I never fuckin' learn.

To Mr. Jarvis' credit it wasn't a direct link, though. Jeff linked some other guy, who linked the depressing .COM market!!! guy, because the depressing guy--I know you'll be shocked by this--had been stealing blog entries from him. Hands up who saw that coming?

Posted by: ilyka at December 28, 2005 06:53 AM

He's totally doing it, but I can't make fun becase GUHHHHN FINGAS have been helping me out at work.

Boss: "These quarterly trends are troubling..."
Me: "Ha ha ha! GUHHHHN FINGAS!"
Boss: "I like the cut of your jib."

Posted by: Hubris at December 28, 2005 07:42 AM

The gun fingas tell me he's also TEH SUXCESS!!! with the lay-dees.

Oh yes.

Posted by: Margi at December 28, 2005 07:46 AM

This market is HOTTTT

He screwed up there. It should have four exclamation points to match the four "T"s.

The poor, misbegotten soul.

Posted by: Jim at December 28, 2005 10:16 AM

It's like a car wreck - I can't stop looking.

Number one favorite link? His own profile.


Posted by: Jim at December 28, 2005 10:17 AM


The holiday message. Can't even comment on it.

I have to go smash my monitor now. Just like Kaiser Sose, I can't bear that it live having experienced such horror.

Posted by: Jim at December 28, 2005 10:20 AM

Geeks can rarely beat people up, it's true.

On the other hand, at least in my circle, we tend to be pretty heavily armed.

Which reminds me, I need to buy another gun safe.

Posted by: Sigivald at December 28, 2005 11:16 AM
Just like Kaiser Sose, I can't bear that it live having experienced such horror.

EXACTLY. And you named almost every single thing about the page that depressed me.

A quick quiz on whether you should spell "hot" with multiple Ts:

Are you Paris Hilton?

( ) YES
( ) NO

If you answered "No," above, please consider using only one "t" to end the word "hot."

That page is the best argument I've ever seen for outsourcing tech jobs to India.

Posted by: ilyka at December 28, 2005 03:21 PM

May he stay in Canada and never blog again.

or at least not until he learns how to write.

I *am* in software developmenjt, and this twit is in for a real surprise if he thinks the Way To Money And Success is Hard Work.

Or at least in the curent incarnation of the Capitalist Free Market.

And no, don't outsource the tech jobs to India.

Outsource *him* to India.

Posted by: Craig R. at January 1, 2006 07:46 PM