I continue my quest to make my town look vastly more exciting to live in than it actually is.

Next weekend: Teenagers cruising the mall parking lot! Woot! Except no, actually. The police have done a thorough job of chasing 'em all out and making sure they stay chased-out. They were about to take off after ME tonight when I missed my exit and had to circle around the mall again.

"Is she cruising? She looks a little old to be cruising--"

"Could be a pedophile, Chief."

"Sonofabitchin' bastard, Carl--I'll bet you're right!"