May 07, 2005

Let Me In

So you tell me: 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning--is that a good time to turn on the radio, the radio you keep in the bedroom, and pump up the volume on the Tejano music? Or is that a bad time?

Oh, who am I kidding: Any time of day is a good time for a fiesta, am I right? Any time at all. Life . . . life should be una fiesta continua.

And I . . . I should be allowed to move into the senior apartments. You know, the senior living communities? I know I'm not old enough. Then again, aren't you only as old as you feel? Well, I feel like gathering with the elders around the 6:00 p.m. rerun of Murder, She Wrote. We'll do that after dinner, served promptly at 5:00. By 7:00 p.m. we'll all have repaired to our separate quarters for an hour of reading or knitting before bedtime, at 8:00 p.m.

Sounds heavenly.

Let me in. I will do everything in my power to atone for the age difference, seniors. I will mow the lawns--you can fire the landscaper! I will play bingo with you. I will take up golf. You don't allow pets at these places . . . ? Fine. The cats are history. I'm tired of cleaning the litterbox anyway.

Let me in. I will drive you to your doctor's appointments. I will pick up your prescription refills at the pharmacy. I will cry with you over the obituaries. I will be so good, so helpful, I swear. Come on, I already have the housedress collection. I will let you borrow one if you want. The pink gingham is my favorite, but--you like it? Hey, that is flattering on you! So take it, Mrs. Mcgillicuddy. No, I insist. Take it. It's yours.

Down with age discrimination. Let me in.

Posted by Ilyka at May 7, 2005 03:22 PM in navel gazing

You think those retiree communities are quiet and peaceful? Sucker...

Posted by: Andrea Harris at May 7, 2005 05:52 PM

Apartment living. Yeah, I remember that. We lived in the middle apartment of a triplex. The guy in the front one rattled our walls with his snoring. The guy in the back one's pit bulls would bark all night when he was out of town. I think he was in town four nights a month. Sleep is overrated, anyway.

Posted by: Rob at May 7, 2005 07:47 PM

aaarrrgghhhh... Apartment living - I SO do not miss it! But even out here the peace is disturbed once in a while, by our neighbor and his two dogs and his friend who comes and leaves the radio in his pickup turned on and turned up and tuned to a rap station.

Posted by: Lynn S at May 8, 2005 01:28 AM

That sounds like heaven. Except that instead of Murder, She Wrote it would be something with a helicopter that explodes. Or simulated oral sex. But except for that slight difference that definitely sounds like heaven.

Posted by: Jim at May 8, 2005 04:20 AM

We've been lucky in our apartments, except for one neighbour who decided to corner me in the hallway and scream about how our little grill (perfectly OK by management) BLEW SMOKE TOWARDS HER APARTMENT WHEN THE WIND WAS SOUTHERLY. (Incidentally she too had a grill which would blow smoke towards us when the wind was northerly. Our response was the shut the window and use AC. Apparently we were supposed to stop grilling completely on the off-chance that the wind might shift). I can't imagine she'll be much more fun when she's in a retirement home; she'll probably be one of those people who whines that Mrs. MacIvor got 1/2 inch more of vanilla pudding than she did.

Posted by: Sonetka at May 8, 2005 08:14 AM

I don't know. My grandparents are in an assisted living community and I find visiting them there to be depressing as hell. I think we do a very bad job, as a society, of taking care of our elderly.

That said, I still think wistfully of my old apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. That was a beautiful place -- two bedroom pre-war co-op. Before kids came along, it was just ideal.

Posted by: RP at May 10, 2005 03:23 PM

I think we do a very bad job, as a society, of taking care of our elderly.

Maybe so, and how thoughtful of you to notice, but is there one line of this post that implies I wanted to generate serious discussion on that issue?--On ANY issue?

It's a light-humor, bitching-about-the-neighbors post, dude. So lighten up and do the handwringing elsewhere. The handwringing, it annoys. Severely.

Posted by: ilyka at May 10, 2005 10:40 PM